If you really want to look at improving your assertiveness skills in depth, you could buy a book that would help but just to get you started ...

A good summary of an assertive person is one who works to a philosophy of ‘I’m OK. You’re OK’. In other words, each person’s views are respected and a solution is found to the issue that is as close as possible to a win/win situation.

Asking for what you want is a real assertiveness skill. It’s easy when you know how!

Be clear about what you want. That seems a bit obvious but sometimes we find it easier to think about what we don’t want. Think it through before you go to anyone with a request. You will then be clearer about what will or will not work for you.

Ask the right person. Again this might seem a bit obvious but sometimes you might need to have someone on your side before you ask something so that would be the first person to ask. Once that person is on your side you can then ask the person with the power. For example, if you are asking for leave and your immediate boss is happy about it, you have a better chance of getting a good result.

Consider the effects on this person. If you just care about getting your own way, this is not assertive behaviour. If you are off, will it leave this person in difficulty?

Ask at the right time. Again this is consideration for another person’s feelings. it would be manipulative to ask them in a way that they feel ‘bounced’.

Ask in the right way. Be very clear and give your reasons. If the other person realises that there is a good reason and a lot of thought has gone into the request and the request is courteous, they are much more likely to agree.